My 10 year old daughter recently had her 10th birthday and couldn't think of a single thing she wanted for her birthday. 'Amma, what did you want for for birthday when you were 10?' was her question. I couldn't really remember, but her question took me back to something I dreamt of and wanted quite desperately - a doll. One that looked very much like the modern day barbie, sported a long pony tail of thick blond hair tied together with a band, closed her blue green eyes when she lay down and opened when upright, she came with a hair brush and a spare pair of shoes and was something I would have done anything to possess. But I didn't have her for a long time and I remember the feeling of utter excitement, thrill, heart thumping with happiness flooding my veins when appa returned from a tour to Goa and brought one like this for me!! I was on top of the world and remained like this for weeks. I remember the feeling which lasted long after her hair was not so shiny any more and her eyes took a a little nudge to pop open!!
Somehow along the way I have stopped dreaming, I want to do some things, but nothing as badly as the doll I dreamt about when I was little. Somewhere, I have been so disappointed with life that I have stopped wanting, stopped asking, stopped dreaming.. I just take what I get and am convinced I can never hold on to anything nice for long. I truly feel every moment of joy will pass sooner or later. I feel this way about friends, loved ones, things, money and comfort, and even emotions. All will pass away.
Is something wrong with me??
6 comments:
"For every problem you have, you have 10 blessings. And, if you don’t realise that you have 10 blessings for every problem, then you haven’t really seen the big picture." - Sir John Templeton
You are lucky that you possess the ability to introspect so very often ..... most live through life without the time or the inclination for deep thinking or introspection ........ your thoughts are coloured no doubt by some recent happenings in your life .......but believe me, it is precisely these moments of despair or lack of hope that will pass ..... over time, the moments of joy, satisfaction and hope will last longer than you presently imagine .........
Anon.. I do believe you are an optimist and also do believe you are right.
Thx
Naw!! Nothing is wrong. Just that ye are wasting some precious time in just thinking. Just Do It. We are the only ones to be born with potential to be what we want to be but very few germinate. And unless we push ourselves, we can get used to anything. Even boredom.
White magpie.. Thanks for visiting.. This has to move beyong thought and into action.. Lets see about the how, when, where....
Thx
Probably something is wrong! ;-) If you have such wonderful kids, rabbits, a place to walk around, high standard of living, fewer autorickshaw drivers cutting your path, and are still wondering about when all this will pass, then you probably have transformed disturbing incident into an axiom that life is most likely always going to be ephemeral in what it offers (esp. the good dollops). Even if it is, thinking about it that way is not going to help. You might as well enjoy things and ask for a 100 more dolls... So what if your daughter ends up getting them all!!!? ;-)
Give it a 1 month run, where you will only enjoy and do nothing else and you are going to get yourself all the 10 things on your list and relish each of them!! What's there to lose?
Thanks for your comments and suggestions!! Specially the one about autorickshaws. They are one commodity I really dont miss!!
But seriously, I started to think about 10 thinks I would like to have.. Cant think of a single one other than a vaccation right now!!
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