on death..

I often think about dying.. sometimes in a kind of distant way, like something hazy, like a fading memory, happening to someone else, sometimes in a kind of practical way.. how old would I be, where would my kids be, who would be with me, would I be alone; sometimes in a kind of dramatic manner..like a hospital, very ill, among all kinds of hi tech equipment.. lying between spotless white sheets, in sky blue hospital gown.... distant and disconnected to everyone around me..

But I cant understand death.. what will happen..where will I go..how..why.. what.. etc etc..

I worry that I don't leave a mess that others will have to clean up, my house, my belongings. I think about the kids and try to prepare them (was quite a dismal failure; wont do it again just yet!!) But really.. where will they go, how will they manage, will they take care of each other, will I KNOW they are OK, am I indispensable!!

Today I was reminded of my thoughts and more coherently perhaps, as I read through 'Like a Flowing River' by Paulo Coelho.. he says.. 'Death is possibly the most important thing. We are all walking towards death, but we never know when death will touch us and it is our duty to look around us, to be grateful for each minute. ' So far I feel as if he just expressed what I think, have been thinking, perhaps subconsciously.. But then he goes on.. 'But we should also be grateful to death, because it makes us think about the importance of each decision we take, or fail to take; it makes us stop doing anything that keeps us stuck in the category of 'living dead' , and instead, urges us to risk everything, to bet everything on those things we dreamed of doing, because whether we like it or not, the angel of death is waiting for us.'

The message is to live life completely, intensely and experience each moment, savour all good memories, express and share feelings and thoughts TODAY. . .